“I need that like a hole in the bollock!”

Ok, let me just clarify, i don’t in fact have bollocks, its just a figure of speech. I have had the world’s worst week i think and its only Tuesday. I’m unorganized, i keep falling over, i failed all quizzes this week, and i had a break up. Just a pretty crap week. It’s time like these where i wish i never gave up coffee or started dieting, on normal occasions, coffee and chocolate would work perfectly. But not anymore! So i’ve had to rely solely on comedy hoping to lift my mood to a sociably acceptable state. The only solution i have is to laugh my arse off until i’ve forgotten why i was sad. I’ve recently turned to Gavin and Stacey for my uplift.

I don’t know if anyone has ever watched this show, but its bloody fantastic. Honestly. Also sucessful in cheering me up has been the works of Eddie Izzard, Mock the Week, Nevermind the Buzzcocks, QI, The Mighty Boosh and Michael McIntyre. I don’t know what it is about watching people make jokes thats so much better than just listening to it.

And now to explain my title, as well as the best quote from a TV show ever, it also describes how i feel about my current state. I’ve been feeling odd lately. Everyone is attractive to me, i swear. Its worrying me. I found myself flirting with a monk a few days ago while holding hands with my little brother. I’m UNCONTROLABLE. So aside from having a crap week, i’m also going insane and finding the oddest looking people rather tasty. So i’ve taken to using this phrase whenever i catch myself looking at a guy who probably looks as attractive as Prince Charles, “I need that like a whole in the bollock” just to remind me that it will only cause problems.

"Tidy"

Brawling Brit

I don’t know if any of you have ever experienced living in a completely foreign country like me, but if you have, you might know what i’m talking about. I live in South Korea. Yet its not the Korean-ness or American-ness (for lack of a better word) of the country that makes me feel foreign, its not the fact that i am one of the only white faces in the corridor, no. It is the fact that i am the only true Brit. Once you have explained the meaning of “bugger” for the upteenth time, you start to realise that these people will never really understand you.

Although its handy occasionally to have this difference, you never get in trouble at school when you use a british swear word because no one knows what the hell you’re talking about, it’s still annoying to have to repeat yourself a million times a day because you call it an optician not an optometrist or you ask to go to the loo not the bathroom. The biggest difficulty i had was when i tripped on the stairs and said loudly, “Bollocks!” The session of explination that had to go on after that was uncomfortable.

It’s frustrating to see, the red marks accross your page after you hand in your english essay. The teacher has kindly marked out your “spelling mistakes” which aren’t really spelling mistakes. The times when you write a “u” in colour, or in neighbour. The music is different, the sense of humour is different. My use if sarcasm was definitly odd to the others at first.

Even our tempers are different. The very basis of our personality is different to the American personality. I’m not going to lie, i can’t wait to get back to England. I miss it so much, the people, the places, the food, the accent, even the bloody Queen, but it has been nice to be a minority. And i know that as soon as i go back, i won’t be able to get away with saying “bloody hell” or “bollocks” without a teacher being annoyed.