“I need that like a hole in the bollock!”
“She sucks me in! She’s like a dyson!”
“Sometimes you don’t know what you’re looking for, but that’s the time to be the first one on the dance floor.”
“Youve got to hold and give/But do it at the right time/You can be slow or fast/But you must get to the line/They’ll always hit you and hurt you/Defend and attack/There’s only one way to beat them/Get round the back/So catch me if you can/Cos Im the england man/And what you’re looking at/Is the master plan/We ain’t no hooligans/This aint a football song/Three lions on my chest/I know we cant go wrong/Singing for England! ENGLAND!”
“I could’ve eaten Alphabits and crapped out a better essay!!”
“If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?”
“What’s the opposite of opposite? Consider yourself bamboozled!”
“U.S. President George W. Bush…is a retarded cowboy fella… who in England…wouldn’t be trusted with scissors.”
“Life after death is as improbable as sex after marriage”
“Maybe there won’t be marriage, maybe there won’t be sex, but by God there’ll be dancing!”
“It’s amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy.”
“You know what the trouble about real life is? There’s no danger music.”
“May those who love us, love us. And those who don’t love us — may God turn their hearts. And if He cannot turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles, so that we may know them by their limping.”
“I still maintain that he kicked himself in the balls.”
“I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.”
“Hitler ended up in a ditch covered in petrol on fire…so, that’s fun. And that’s funny. Because he was a mass-murdering f**khead!”
“We have two hundred languages in Europe. Two hundred languages! Count them! I know you won’t!”
“Queen Victoria, one of our more frumpy Queen’s. They’re all frumpy aren’t they? Because it’s a bad idea when cousin’s marry.”
“Cause you Americans think we all live in castles. And we do all live in castles. We got a castle each. We’re up to here with f**kin’ castles. We just long for an apartment or something.”
“Because we all know one of the main factors of war is the element of surprise. And what could be more surprising than the First Batallion Transvestite Brigade? Airborne Wing.”
“I think I have monogamy. I must have caught it from you people.”
“And the National Rifle Association says that, “Guns don’t kill people, people do,” but I think the gun helps, you know? I think it helps. I just think just standing there going, “Bang!” That’s not going to kill too many people, is it? You’d have to be really dodgy on the heart to have that…”
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